Things Gone Awry In The Universe
by BelovedSunrise
Summary: VoyagerWitchblade crossover. What happens when Voyager gets two new crewmembers? CHAPTER 12 POSTED! The girls are obsessing ... and one of the boys makes the mistake of interrupting. Please R&R!
1. The Players

**_THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE—PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE_**

**DISCLAIMER: **We No Own. We just play with 'em. The crazy plot and extra characters belong to us, though.

**SUMMARY: **Sara Pezzini and Ian Nottingham of TNT's Witchblade are transported onto Voyager, where they befriend the crew, and their lives begin to take a turn for the crazy side.

**CHAPTER 1 - THE PLAYERS**

The light of the stars illuminates the intertwined bodies of two sleeping lovers, a husband and his wife. The woman is a fire-haired, ice-eyed beauty, and her skin is like fine ivory. Her husband is handsome, ebony-haired and tan, his eyes obsidian in their darkness. They are Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay. They are the Captain and First Officer of this sleek, silver ship they call…

…Voyager.

********

Pale moonlight washes over Sara Pezzini, who slumbers in the arms of her husband of one year, Ian Nottingham. Her slender hand lies curled beside her face, the fingertips resting lightly against her jaw. Her chestnut hair tumbles over her shoulders, a few silky strands falling over closed green eyes, the penetrating gaze for once at rest. The man beside her shifts slightly in his sleep, several locks of hair, black as midnight, falling over his face. Hazel eyes dart to and fro beneath closed lids as if searching for something. His arms tighten a little around his wife, and she snuggles closer to him, welcoming his embrace. On the nightstand on her side of the bed, a bracelet glitters. The blood red gem set in its center glows softly as it waits to be worn by the Wielder… 

…The Witchblade.

********


	2. Surprises

**_THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE--PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE_**

**CHAPTER 2 - SURPRISES**

"Ian, I—" Sara started to say. She paused as she unlocked the front door, then said, "I don't need a—"

"SURPRISE!!!!!" All of Sara's friends jumped out from hiding as the lights flicked on. At the front of the crowd she could see her rookie partner, Jake McCartey. Behind him stood the ghostly visage of Danny Woo. He waved at her, grinning devilishly.

"—party," Sara finished, wide-eyed.

********

Once Sara had gotten over her initial shock, she began to enjoy herself. After everyone had left, Ian brought out something that made her rethink how much she had enjoyed this evening—a piñata. He insisted on hitting it—or, rather, on her hitting it. It was shaped like a coffee cup, complete with saucer, handle, and paper "steam" rising from the dark brown "liquid" on top. He finally convinced her, and he put his arms around her so that he might swing the stick with her. Just before the wooden pole came into contact with the coffee cup piñata—Sara had to admit that the shape appealed to her—both were overcome with a feeling of dizziness and disorientation. Sara noted that the Witchblade was glowing blindingly on her right wrist. They were swept up into a swirling maelstrom, leaving the backyard silent…and empty.

********

Kathryn stood on her toes to plant a kiss on Chakotay's lips. Even after a year of marriage, they still acted like newlyweds most of the time. She giggled as he swept her off her feet, one arm under her knees, the other around her back. He carried her all the way down the corridor to the turbolift, where he set her down. He stepped off the lift and bowed deeply, grinning.

"Good day, my love—" Before he could get another word out, she thrust a hand out, grasped a handful of his tunic, and yanked him inside just before the doors closed.

"Bridge," Kathryn ordered, still chuckling. The turbolift began to move upwards. She had just calmed herself down when she glanced over at Chakotay and broke into a fresh round of giggles. His eyes were crossed, and he was wiggling his ears up and down in that queer way of his. The giggles turned to laughter, which then gave way to a full-blown belly laugh. Kathryn had just wiped away the last of her tears of laughter when the lift slid to a silent stop. She stepped out onto the bridge and froze, her good humor evaporating. In the center of the command level, a swirling mass of colorful light was forming, spinning faster and faster until it began to coalesce into two humanoid forms. The colorful whirlwind faded away to reveal a human man and woman, the man's arms around the woman, and their hands joined in the grasping of a pole that hit a small structure that had appeared with them. The impact caused the object to break, sending out a shower of small, hard spheres—Kathryn's nostrils flared; she had picked up the unmistakable scent of coffee. First things first, however—she needed to find out what threat the pair posed. One of the spheres hit her directly between the eyes. She took several deep breaths to keep from screaming.

"Who are you?" she asked. Without her having to give the order, the bridge crew had trained their phasers on the intruders. The man stood up, extended a hand to the woman, and helped her up, despite the fact that she was glaring at him. He turned to face Kathryn.

"My name is Ian Nottingham. This is my wife—"

The woman cut in. "I'm Sara Pezzini. I work at the New York Police—"

Kathryn held up a hand to halt her. "What are you doing on my ship?"

Ian and Sara exchanged glances. Sara cleared her throat.

"'Scuse me, but can I get your name and—and the year?"

"I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway, and this is my husband and First Officer, Commander Chakotay. You are on the Federation Starship Voyager, and the year is 2378." Before Sara could reply, Kathryn moved forward so that she was eye-to-eye with her. Blue eyes searched green for a long moment, and then the redheaded captain turned to Ian and did the same. Finally, she stepped away.

To the crew, she said, "Put away your weapons." Her eyes met Sara's. "They mean us no harm."

Sara breathed a sigh of relief as the phasers disappeared. "I think I may know how we ended up here." She pulled up her sleeve, revealing a bracelet. It was made of silver, with an intricate, yet simple design of curves and swirls. In the center was a round scarlet stone. It glowed eerily, giving off an unearthly light. "This is the Witchblade. I believe it brought us here. If I'm right, then we have no way to get back to where—and when—we're supposed to be." She sniffed the air, her brow furrowing a little. "I smell coffee."

"I know, me, too," Kathryn said. She turned to Ian. "What are those?"

Looking down at the candies she'd gestured to, he replied, "They're coffee cup candies—you know, kind of like root beer barrels—" He didn't get a chance to finish as both women dove for the treats with simultaneous cries of **_"MINE!!!"_** Ian and Chakotay just shook their heads, everyone on the bridge chuckling at the two coffee fiends.

********


	3. Best Friends

THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE—PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE 

**CHAPTER 3 – BEST FRIENDS**

Sara and Ian moved into the empty guest quarters across the corridor from the Janeways. The two couples became fast friends, the women discovering a mutual love for rich, black coffee and dark, handsome men, and their husbands admitting an unfortunate proclivity for marrying stubborn, fiery women who always managed to get their way—one way or another. Sara and Kathryn were relaxing on Kathryn's sofa three weeks later, discussing their husbands—who were on a two-week trading mission, Ian as an observer—when Sara abruptly scrambled up and rushed to the bathroom. She came back several minutes later, looking wan and tired, her face tinged green.

Concerned, Kathryn asked, "Sara, are you all right?"

Sara sank down onto the sofa and propped her elbows up on her knees, her head dropping into her hands. She kneaded her scalp with her fingers for a long moment, then lifted her head wearily. "I, uh…" She swallowed hard in an attempt to keep her lunch from reappearing. "I haven't been feeling well for the past few days, especially in the mornings." She swallowed once more, looking as if she were going to be sick again. Kathryn eyed her warily as she began to turn an alarming shade of green.

"I haven't been doing so well lately, either," Kathryn said as she helped Sara to stand. "Let's go to sickbay and have the Doctor check us _both_ out."

********


	4. Good News, Bad News

**_THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE--PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE_**

**CHAPTER 4 - GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS**

Fifteen minutes later, Kathryn and Sara walked into sickbay. By now, they were both feeling a little green. The Doctor came out of his office, humming cheerfully. He helped the two women onto a biobed, where they sat, side by side, as he scanned them one at a time, still humming. He examined their readings for a moment, and suddenly became silent, his eyebrows rising dramatically.

"Hmm…well, well…"

"What?" Sara and Kathryn asked together, both impatient.

The Doctor looked them both in the eye. "Congratulations. You're pregnant."

"I'm pregnant?" they asked at the same time.

"Yes. Captain, you are twelve weeks along." He turned to Sara. "You seem to have just recently conceived."

Kathryn looked over at Sarah, who couldn't hide the grin that spread across her reddening features as she remembered _exactly_ when she had "conceived".

"Ah. Oh, yes, and you're pregnant with…twins." His eyebrow rose slightly as he registered the fact that he now had six patients, when previously, he'd had two.

"Twins?" they said together.

The Doctor eyed them both warily, unnerved by them speaking together. "Yes, twins."

The two women glanced at each other, then said, "Both of us?"

_"Yes,_ both of you. Now, will you _please_ kindly **_STOP THAT?!"_**

"Stop what?" they asked together.

_"That!"_

"What?" both asked.

_"**That!!**_ You keep talking together, and it's-it's **_unnerving!!!_**_"_

"Oh, sorry," they said together. They glanced at each other and started to giggle.

The Doctor threw up his hands in defeat. "That was the good news."

They sobered immediately, focusing their attention on the holographic physician.

"During the course of your pregnancies, **I am ordering you to cease your drinking of coffee.** You both drink _far_ too much as it is, and you shouldn't drink it while pregnant, so…um…" He trailed off as both women glared at him. Sara glanced over at Kathryn, a question in her eyes. The redhead nodded, and they slid from the biobed to the floor and began moving towards him with a purpose. Fearing for his programming, the Doctor backed up until he was against the wall of his office. At warp speed, the Witchblade, which had been glowing since Sara had begun getting angry, sprang to life. Sara's forearm was fully encased in a kind of metal armor, from which a very long, _very_ sharp blade protruded. That blade was pressed against his throat before he could blink, pinning him to the wall.

Only one thought crossed his mind.

_Uh-oh._

Over Sara's shoulder, he could see the Captain, delivering the patented, full-force, 100%, you're-dead-meat-mister, you're-going-to-regret-the-day-you-were-born, I'm-bad-ass-and-you're-road-kill version of the Janeway Death Glare.

He could feel his program disintegrating.

Scared out of his wits, he deactivated himself—vowing never to schedule their prenatal appointments for the same time—and Sara tumbled to the ground, the Witchblade instantly retracting to its dormant state. Kathryn extended a hand, helping Sara to stand. They looked at each other, then at the place where the Doctor had last stood, then back at each other.

"It ought to be fun telling our husbands," Kathryn said, her lips curving up in a mischievous grin that matched Sara's impish expression.

_Yeah, especially that there will be _**four**_ infants on the ship in six months instead of two,_ Sara thought to herself.

********


	5. Confusion

THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE--PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE CHAPTER 5 - CONFUSION 

The Doctor sat in his office, scanning the files of his new patients—all six of them. He had fitted both the Captain and Sara with a small device—a tiny implant he'd hidden in the skin behind their right ears. The implants kept track of the vitals of mothers and children, as the Captain—and he was certain Sara would be the same—was prone to conveniently "forgetting" appointments and physicals—their prenatal check-ups would be no different. He finished his review of the Captain's pregnancy, and moved on to study Sara's file. He had only been reading for a moment when something strange caught his eye. Something was wrong with this information—at his first scan, Sara had been eight days in gestation. The latest information, taken only four days later, showed her to be eighteen days into her pregnancy, when she should only have been at twelve days. He pulled up the scans of Sara and her twin fetuses, and found that they all had a strange additive to their blood and DNA, one that not only couldn't be scanned, but also seemed to be alive. What all this meant, though, he couldn't figure out. He had a feeling that it was directly connected to the odd readings he'd gotten on how far along she was.

Steeling himself, he tapped his combadge. "Doctor to Pezzini."

"What?" came her growled reply.

Clearing his throat, he said, "I, uh, I need to ask you a few questions."

He nearly deactivated himself when, just moments later, a head popped into his office.

"AAH!!! Oh, Miss Pezzini, you surprised me."

She raised an eyebrow and muttered, "I obviously did more than surprise you."

He shot her a dirty look, but immediately dropped the expression as she shot him a dirtier—and more terrifying—one.

Carefully averting his gaze from her face, said, "I have some…questions to ask you."

"Uh, yeah, you already said that. Now—what questions?"

He cleared his throat again. "The information from your scans does not correspond, and I'm quite certain that neither the computer or my equipment is malfunctioning. The first scan placed you at eight days in gestation—" Sara hid a giggle behind her hand as she once again remembered _exactly_ when she'd gotten pregnant. "—and the latest scans place you at nearly _three weeks._"

"Your point?"

He scowled. "It's only been _four days!!"_ She imitated his expression. "Well, you see, they don't match."

She rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to speak, but the Doctor whipped out his tricorder, pushed her back onto the nearest biobed, and began scanning her with a vengeance.

Ten minutes later, he gave up. "I just don't get it," he said.

Sara sighed and said, "If you would've let me talk earlier, I could've answered all of your questions before you and your little tricorder got so excited and confused yourselves with all of your little scans."

"And?" the Doctor demanded, forgetting who he was talking to.

Glaring at the hologram, Sara continued, "My pregnancy will progress slightly faster than the norm. In other words, I'll be a mother in six months instead of nine." She smiled. "Which also means that Kathryn and I are due at the same time."

"And this is because…"

"Because of this." She held up her right wrist to show him the Witchblade.

He raised an eyebrow. "A _bracelet_ is causing this?"

She sighed. "Not just _any_ bracelet—the Witchblade."

"Right." He sent her a suspicious look.

She stared at him.

He stared at her.

She stared at him.

He looked away, cowed. "Well, then. Do you…have any proof?"

"Proof?" she repeated. She grinned suddenly, an evil expression that sent holoshivers down his holospine. The Witchblade activated, molding itself into the knobbed mace head with the two-foot blade extended. He couldn't see where the blade ended, and followed it right to—or, rather, through—the middle of his chest.

He jumped back.

"Is this proof enough for you?" Sara asked, her voice filled with barely suppressed laughter.

Carefully, he pushed the blade so that it was no longer aimed directly at him. Grinning again, Sara retracted the blade slowly, taking her time so that she could show the Doctor just how much control she had over the powerful weapon, then turned and left sickbay. Once the doors had closed behind her, the Doctor ran into his office, not coming out for the rest of the day.

********


	6. Telling Chakotay

**_THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE--PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE_**

**CHAPTER 6 - TELLING CHAKOTAY**

Kathryn went into sickbay for her first checkup two days later. He scanned her stomach, watching her out of the corner of his eye. He was still nervous about the other day. Very nervous.

"Would you like to see your children?" he asked cautiously.

Her eyes lit up. "Oh, yes, please!"

He entered the tricorder information into the sickbay console, and two small holographic figures shimmered into view in mid-air. "Kathryn Janeway, meet your son and daughter."

She stared at them, her eyes taking in every detail. Her son was a big boy, sturdy like his father, with black hair and deep brown eyes. Her daughter was dainty and petite, like herself, with a dusting of reddish hair and bright blue eyes.

Suddenly, she grinned. "That's it!" 

The Doctor stepped away from her slightly, licking his lips nervously. "What?"

"Can you put these onto an isolinear chip so that I can download it into the next subspace packet we send to the shuttle?"

He nodded, relieved she hadn't said that B'Elanna was coming down to reprogram him. "Yes, I can."

"Thank you."

Several minutes later, he handed her a small chip that contained the parameters for the two holographic figures. Her eyes bright, she took it with a quick word of thanks and left. The hologram sighed. Holographically, of course.

********

Kathryn sat at the controls for subspace communications, entering information. She finally got her precious letter and programs nestled in the computer file designated for subspace shuttle communication. She grinned again. When Chakotay opened _this_ letter, he was going to get the shock of his life.

********

Chakotay heard the communications console start to shrill, and he moved to receive the scheduled subspace packet from Voyager. He opened the main file, going over the information contained within. He came across a file directed to him, and downloaded it to a padd. He backed out of the files and moved into his tiny sleeping space. Sitting on the narrow bed, he activated the message. Kathryn's lovely face appeared.

"Hey, honey. I know this is unexpected, but it just couldn't wait. I have some news for you." She paused for a long moment, and he started to fidget. "To find out what it is, you'll first have to open the two files contained within simultaneously. Then, when you've finished…observing, return to this letter, and…well, you'll see!"

Raising an eyebrow, he followed her directions…and was rendered absolutely, positively speechless. Two figures suddenly floated before his eyes. They were infants, looking to be about nine or ten months of age. The smaller one, a female, had red hair and blue eyes…very familiar attributes. The larger one, a male, had black hair and deep brown eyes…also very familiar. He quickly keyed back into the letter, taking one last lingering look at the two holograms before they vanished.

"I'm sure you're a little confused as to what this is about—"

"I'll say," Chakotay muttered.

"—and so the short version is this: I'm pregnant. With twins." 

With that, her face disappeared, replaced by the Starfleet emblem. Two minutes later, Chakotay realized he was starting to turn blue, and he took a deep, shuddering breath that nearly sent him to the floor when it hit his oxygen-deprived brain. _Oh. My. God._

********

Ian found him like that a half-hour later, still sitting there staring at the padd he held.

"Chakotay?"

"Wh—huh?" came the man's sputtered reply.

"Are you all right?"

"Wha—oh, uh, yeah—yeah, I'm fine—it's just—I—Kathryn's pregnant. We're pregnant. With twins. A boy and a girl." Staring at his hands, Chakotay repeated, "Twins."

Ian moved to embrace his friend. "Congratulations. God, I don't know what _I'd_ do in that situation, but I'm sure I'd be just as shocked as you are."

********


	7. Telling Ian

****

AN: Ooookay, just so you know, we've _not_ disappeared off the face of this planet, we just had a…_delay_…in the form of Sunrise taking entirely too long to write this chapter all by herself. That's right, this was a solo work by Sunrise. She wrote it without me, Beloved, having any actual input, so it's quite different from the rest of the story…read at your own risk! We'll post chapter 8 soon. It's been done for quite awhile, as have a number of other future chapters (i.e. 8-19)…it just took FOREVER for her to finish! Well, happy reading!

**THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE—PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE**

**Chapter 7 – Telling Ian**

Sara had talked with Kathryn and B'Elanna and they came up with a plan on how to tell Ian that she was pregnant with twins. Kathryn had sent Ian to Engineering with a cleaning crew. Their job was to clean everything—including all the plasma conduits. Why he got this job was beyond him—any ensign or crewman could've handled it. Kathryn was the Captain—and his boss—and he didn't want to get Sara upset. She had been more moody than usual lately, and he liked to have all of his limbs intact, and preferably still attached to his body. While Ian was on his "mission," all three women were putting the nursery together. When they were finished, the room was painted half blue and half pink, and contained two cribs, a pair of changing tables, matching dressers, a double bathtub, and everything else two infants could or would ever need. As they had done for their Captain, the crew had donated a number of replicator rations to the project—all right under the noses of Chakotay, Tom, and Ian. Once the nursery was done, Sara went down to sickbay to get the data chip that contained two holograms, one of each twin at approximately two weeks of age. One would be in each bassinet, set to look perfectly life-like. Meanwhile, B'Elanna went to Engineering to delay Ian by making him re-clean the conduits so he wouldn't return before Sara could finish setting things up. After Sara contacted B'Elanna through the PADD system, she dismissed the now exhausted—a fully terrified—cleaning crew from her command. When Ian returned home, he found dinner for two and Sara smirking over a steaming cup of coffee. The two ate dinner in an awkward silence. After dinner, Sara told Ian that she had something to show him. 

She led him to the darkened room, ordered the lights up to fifty percent, took him to the bassinets, and said "Congratulations, Daddy."

********

Ian walked slowly onto the bridge, shock etched into his features.

Hiding a grin, Chakotay turned in his chair to face him. "Welcome to my world."


	8. Change of Uniform

AN: We have included, for your possible enjoyment and likely annoyment, a conversation between two bored authors (us) at four AM discussing the story, our own brand of humor, and our lack of sleep. Poor Beloved. *shoved aside. Sunrise takes over keyboard*. Poor Sunrise! *Beloved takes over keyboard again*. 

Beloved: Did you hear? Kate Mulgrew is s'posed to be here in OUR state in FEBRUARY!!!!! *squeaks*

Sunrise: *takes out foghorn and toots in Beloved's ear*

Beloved: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! What the hell was that for?!?!?!?!?!

Sunrise: *glaring daggers at Beloved* You squeaked.

Beloved: *eyeing Sunrise warily* Sorry. I'll try not to do it again.

Sunrise: Good. *rolls eyes, knowing full well that Beloved will do it again*

Beloved: All right. On with the story. I still say we should put a comment about Ian's sexy ass in this chapter.

Sunrise: What IS it with you and butts?! *muttering* Especially Ian's.

Beloved: *attempting to sound innocent* Um, nothing.

Sunrise: *sarcastically* Yeah, sure. Right.

Beloved: Oh, shut up. *hits Sunrise with pillow and falls off bed when Sunrise yanks it out of her hands and hits her back with it HARD*

Sunrise: *growls menacingly* Excuse me?

Beloved: Umm, never mind.

Sunrise: That's better. Now, I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.

Beloved: *latches onto Sunrise's pant leg* Nooooooo, you CAN'T go!!!!! We're finishing chapter eight TONIGHT!!!!!

Sunrise: *crossing arms and shaking leg to rid it of Beloved* Get off me, you crazy lunatic!! *starts reprimanding Beloved in Spanish*

Beloved: *looking bewildered* In English, please. I've told you three times tonight not to switch languages on me. *smirks and gestures wildly, communicating a rude epithet in American Sign Language*

Sunrise: ALL RIGHT!!!!! STOP ALREADY!!!!! I don't even wanna know what you're saying—I already know it's something really bad by the look on your face.

Beloved: *grins evilly* Oh, it was something bad all right…

Sunrise: Yeah, I figured that. *mutters something in Spanish* Wipe that look off your face.

Beloved: *grin drops from face faster than if it fell off Niagara Falls*

Sunrise: That's better. Now, let's—

Beloved: NO! Not goin' to bed! We write now!

Sunrise: Hey, cavewoman, I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Now.

Beloved: *grumbling* Fine. *turns nose up at Sunrise, who ignores her completely and goes to bed*

Sunrise: 'Night.

Beloved: *quiet as her face lights up with an idea and an evil smile* 'Night.

_…TEN MINUTES LATER…_

*Beloved races across room and dive-bombs onto lump under bedcovers. Sunrise opens one eye, rolls over, and goes back to sleep.*

Beloved: *from under Sunrise* GET OFF ME!!!!!

Sunrise: I thought I felt something under there…*laughs maniacally*

Beloved: *continues making unintelligible noises and rude signs at Sunrise*

Sunrise: *innocently* Oh, do you want out from under there?

Beloved: *muffled* Yes.

Sunrise: Oh. *moves achingly slow and rolls off of Beloved, going back to sleep. Snores loudly*

Beloved: *gives Sunrise a dirty look*

Sunrise: I saw that.

Beloved: *looks shocked* But—but—but you were asleep!

Sunrise: Really? Was I? I don't recall sleeping. I recall a dive-bomber, a human pancake, and a dirty look.

Beloved: *shoots Sunrise another dirty look*

Sunrise: I saw that, too. If you'd like to wake up ALIVE tomorrow morning, I'd suggest you LEAVE ME ALONE. 

Beloved: *starts to think*

Sunrise: No.

Beloved: But I didn't ask you anything.

Sunrise: You were about to.

Beloved: *stutters unintelligibly* Bedtime, then?

Sunrise: *muttering* Finally she gets the point.

Beloved: Hey, I heard that!

Sunrise: Oh, really. NOW LET ME SLEEP!!!!!

Beloved: *in small voice* Okay.

_…NEXT MORNING…_

Beloved: WAAAAAAAAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!! *attempts to pull blanket from around Sunrise*

Sunrise: *yanks blanket back, taking Beloved with it. Beloved is plastered against Sunrise's turned back*

Beloved: *peels herself off of Sunrise's back* Oh, come on! Hello? HELLOOOO?!?! Hel—

Sunrise: You'd better not even finish that sentence.

Beloved: This the last time I stay at your house.

Sunrise: Yeah, right. You'll be back next weekend. And the next. And the one after that.

Beloved: *crosses arms and grumps* Humph. *squeaks*

Sunrise: BELOVED!!!!!

Note: Both of us are twelve cans short of a six-pack. We're also a little _loco_. Actually, we're _muy loco_. _Very_ crazy.

THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE—PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE CHAPTER 8 – CHANGE OF UNIFORM 

Soon after the two women had stupefied their husbands with the wonderful news of their impending fatherhood, Kathryn brought to Chakotay and Tuvok's attention something that had been niggling at her since before the Nottinghams had made their appearance on the ship.

"Gentlemen, I've been thinking about making some changes around the ship."

"What kind of changes, Captain?" Chakotay asked, all business.

"Well, I've been thinking of allowing a more relaxed uniform policy."

Tuvok's eyebrow rose slightly, both indicating his curiosity and bidding her continue.

"I feel that to truly achieve a family-like atmosphere, we should permit the wearing of appropriate civvies, with a modified combadge to show department and rank."

"What modifications do you suggest, Captain?"

Kathryn stood and moved to the wall workstation, touching several panels until a small holographic object shimmered into view a foot above the conference table.

It was a combadge. Across the bottom, below the gold-turned-burgundy ring, were four golden pips.

"You see, this is what mine would look like. Pips across the bottom, the ring the color of the department I belong to—red for command—and they can wear whatever they want—within reason, of course—and everyone is far more comfortable. Especially when they have certain…conditions, like myself."

Both men nodded solemnly.

"Seems like a pretty sound idea to me," her husband said.

"Indeed, and it may well be the boost to crew moral Mr. Neelix has been so kindly reminding us that we need."

Kathryn struggled to keep a straight face as she observed the look of mingled annoyance and consternation the Vulcan allowed to flit across his usually neutral features for an instant. After a moment, the security officer said, "Was there anything else, Captain?"

"Yes." She folded her hands neatly, resting them on the table before her. Then, leaning back in her seat, she continued, "I'm going to give the field rank of Lieutenant to both Sara Pezzini-Nottingham and Ian Nottingham. They'll be placed in Security, if you're all right with it, Tuvok."

"I am…'all right' with this arrangement, Captain. I have observed their skills in combat, and I have seen within them the loyalty they have, both for each other, and for Voyager, her Captain, and her crew."

Kathryn smiled softly. "Thank you, Tuvok. Your approval means a lot to me." She turned to the man she loved. "Chakotay? What about you? I need to know your feelings on this, too."

He contemplated her for a moment, then nodded slowly. "I agree whole-heartedly."

"Thank you." She leaned over and pressed a light kiss to his tattooed temple. "Dismissed."

********

"Captain Janeway to the crew of Voyager. I have several announcements I'd like to make. First, the Commander and I are expecting twins, a boy and girl, in six months. Also, the senior staff would like to congratulate the Nottinghams on _their_ twins, a girl and a boy, due at the same time. Third, I have decided, with the aid of Commander Chakotay and Commander Tuvok, that the uniform code is to be relaxed somewhat. You will all be allowed to wear appropriate casual civvies with a new type of combadge. You'll receive the information on replication your new combadge at your workstations. Last, the senior staff is proud to announce—no, Mister Paris, _your_ wife is _not_ pregnant with twins—that Lt. Sara Pezzini Nottingham and Lt. Ian Nottingham have officially joined the crew. Please offer them every courtesy you would any other crew member. Thank you. Janeway out." At her final words, cheers broke out all over the ship.

********

"Sara Magdalene Pezzini-Nottingham, I now officially promote you to the field rank of Lieutenant."

Kathryn pinned the two golden pips onto Sara's new communicator, just below the yellow ring.

"Ian Christian Nottingham, I now officially promote you to the field rank of Lieutenant."

Kathryn pinned his pair of gold pips just below the yellow ring on his own freshly-replicated communicator.

She stepped back. "Welcome to the crew of Voyager."

The crew that surrounded them on all sides broke into applause.

Beaming, Kathryn moved forward and embraced her friends one at a time. "Congratulations to both of you."

********

AN: Sorry about that psycho addition up there. We have a tendency to get like that at four—make that five—AM. Our utmost apologies for exposing innocent readers to our horrible sense of humor.


	9. Playing Games

AN: Here's some more conversation for you...this is just what we do. Sanity is not guaranteed, either in us, or in you when you're finished reading this. Enjoy!

Beloved: Ahem. Now can we do one about butts?

Sunrise: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!

Beloved: *shrinking away from Sunrise and swallowing hard* W-What?

Sunrise: Enough. With. The. Butts. No more. Got it?!

Beloved: *in small voice she thinks Sunrise can't hear* Butts.

Sunrise: AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *tackles Beloved, who looks positively petrified, and slams pillow down on her face, muffling any further communication*

Beloved: HOoshfOhfohgfoH oHe i h eihrfeirh sahr eeeeeeeee *Sunrise lifts pillow for a second* p'taQ!!!!!

Sunrise: *places pillow back over Beloved's face* Hmm. I didn't know she spoke Klingon. Interesting.

Beloved: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! *Sunrise lifts pillow from Beloved's face, Beloved squirms out of Sunrise's grasp and skitters away, fully and properly scared* Jesus!!!!! What are you?!?! KLINGON?!?!?!?!?!

Sunrise: *shrugs* You never know.

Beloved: Yeah, yeah, and I'm Tom Paris.

*silence*

Sunrise: Seriously?

Beloved: HELL, NO!!!!!

Sunrise: *looking relieved* Oh. Good.

Beloved: I'm Queen of the World.

Sunrise: *exasperated* Yeah, right. Whatever. If you're Queen of the World, I'm Queen of the Universe.

Beloved: Oh. *pause* Can I have your autograph?

Sunrise: Beloved!! You know what I mean.

Beloved: *confused* No, I don't.

Sunrise: *slaps forehead with hand* Why do I bother?

THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE--PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE 

**CHAPTER 9 – PLAYING GAMES******

The pool tournament at Sandrine's had started a short while ago, and already it was down to a half-dozen contestants. Among them were Kathryn, Tom, and Sara. As Sara leaned over the pool table to line up her next shot, Ian leaned back on his bar stool so that he could try to get a better view of her posterior. He grinned as she shifted slightly, giving him the perfect angle. He stared as she moved to the left a little to shoot again. He loved it when she wore leather pants. Chakotay saw the expression on his friend's face and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get a word out, Kathryn sauntered past him, her hips swaying gently from side to side. As she reached the pool table, she sent Sara a conspiratorial wink, tipping her head towards their drooling husbands. Sara nodded, smirking. The two women simultaneously leaned against the table, making sure that their "rear assets" were in direct view of their entranced spouses. Once Sara had finished her quick game, and Kathryn cleared the table for some poor ensign who had apparently thought he stood a chance, they both moved towards the husbands, who were still staring at the space where their wives had just been standing. Exchanging evil grins, both women pinched the firm butts before them, and the two men jumped, nearly toppling their stools.

Sara leaned over, her lips brushing Ian's ear as she whispered, "I saw you staring at my ass, so I thought I'd give yours a little attention."

Kathryn motioned to Sara, and they both hopped up onto bar stools. One hand settling on the gentle swell of her belly, Sara asked Sandrine for a glass of water. Her redheaded friend did the same. Several seats away, they could see their husbands watching them warily. The two women turned so that they were facing away from them, giving them once again a clear view of a certain part of their anatomy.

A few seats down, Chakotay leaned over towards his friend. "Is it just me, or are they trying to seduce us?" he asked quietly.

"It's been known to happen," Ian muttered wryly.

"Well…" Chakotay peered over Ian's shoulder as Kathryn shifted in her seat. Her leather pants, molded perfectly to her figure, made the view all the more enticing. "It's working."

Both women shrugged off their matching leather jackets at that moment, revealing skintight shirts that showed off every one of each of their luscious curves—including their growing bellies.

In a voice little more than a murmur, Ian replied, "I'll say."

********


	10. The Assignment

AN: We've nothing against the poor Doctor, this is just a figment of our imaginations, something we thought up that just wouldn't leave us alone! We mean no offense to fans of the Doctor, as this is only meant to be a fun little chapter…but beware… 

Beloved: Sooooo, do we get to—

Sunrise: NOOOOO!!!!! NOTHING. ABOUT. BUTTS!!!!!

Beloved: You don't know that was what I was going to ask.

Sunrise: Yes. I do.

Beloved: How do you know?

Sunrise: *coolly and calmly* Because you ask about it every chance you get.

Beloved: I do _no_—

Sunrise: Don't even _think_ about finishing that sentence.

Beloved: But—

Sunrise: I MEAN IT.

Beloved: Oooooh, lookey here!

Sunrise: What?

Beloved: It's a picture of the _Backstreet _Boys, shirtless and soaking wet.

Sunrise: *trying to keep from looking at the beeee-utiful picture* That is just a _low_ blow, Beloved. At least I don't think about them all the time.

Beloved: Yes you do.

Sunrise: No I don—

Beloved: Yes. You. Do.

Sunrise: *looks around room and finds picture of incredibly cute asses* Here ya go.

Beloved: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! *snatches pictures and drools over it*

Sunrise: Proves my point. Beloved? Beloved? BELOVED??? Oh, well. Here goes…

THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE--PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE 

**CHAPTER 10 – ****THE ASSIGNMENT**

"So, can you make him look like this?" Kathryn handed a padd to B'Elanna.

The half-Klingon grinned. "Oh, yeah."

"Then let's do it."

********

Ensign Jacob Mazowa entered sickbay, cradling his left arm.

"Doctor, I've got a deep cut on my arm. Can you heal it for me so I can get back to my duties?"

"Of course." Mazowa looked up from his injured limb as the Doctor turned, and was rendered speechless.

The Doctor was completely bald. His entire head was painted white, with an oval of red around his green lips. His teeth were a rainbow of colors, alternating from purple to red to orange to yellow to green to blue. On each of his cheeks, there was a round splotch of bright yellow. His eyelids were bright pink, with orange between his lids and his purple brows. A thin blue line ran across his forehead from one temple to the other.

"Um, Doc…" Mazowa trailed off, his eyes widening. As he'd begun to speak, the Doctor had turned to retrieve a dermal regenerator, and the Ensign had caught sight of the words written across his back in small, brightly lit neon lights.

It read:

"DO NOT SAY A WORD ABOUT THIS TO THE DOCTOR, OR RISK THE TERRIBLE WRATH OF A DECAFFIENATED AND PREGNANT CAPTAIN KATHRYN JANEWAY, THE HALF-KLINGON CHIEF ENGINEER B'ELANNA TORRES-PARIS, AND THE ALSO DECAFFIENATED ALSO PREGNANT SWORD-FIGHTING SARA PEZZINI-NOTTINGHAM. NOT TO MENTION THEIR HENPECKED HUSBANDS—A POWERFULLY MUSCLED COMMANDER, A FLYBOY WITH EXTREMELY GOOD SKILLS IN PROGRAMMING DANGEROUS AND DEADLY CREATURES INTO HOLOPROGRAMS, AND A TRAINED ASSASSIN WHO HOLDS THE HIGHEST DEGREE BLACK BELT IN EVERY KIND OF MARTIAL ARTS THAT EXISTS. AND ONE MORE THING—YOU'D BE SURPRISED WHAT A PREGNANT WOMAN CAN DO WHEN SHE'S PISSED OFF. ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE'S YOUR BOSS. THANK YOU. OH, AND HAVE A NICE DAY."

Mazowa swallowed hard, forced a frightened smile, and said, "Never mind." The moment his treatment was through, he was out the door as if he'd been shot from an old-fashioned cannon.

He never looked back.

As he made his hasty exit, Lieutenant Katrina Rosenna came into sickbay. The look on the Ensign's face was comical. What was going on with him?

She turned to face the holographic physician. "Um, hey, Doc..."

********

Kathryn came up behind Sara quietly. "How's it going?"

"What? Oh, uh, great. Everyone's come out of sickbay looking like they're both scared out of their minds and trying really, really hard not to laugh."

Kathryn grinned wickedly. "Good. It's working."

"Yeah," Sara said distractedly, staring down at the Witchblade.

"_What_ is going _on_ with you?" she murmured softly.

"What's the matter?"

Sara didn't answer. The Witchblade was warm on her wrist, and she could feel it tightening a little. She shook her head. It seemed that every time Kathryn came near her, the Witchblade pulled this. Sometimes, it would show her a partial vision. She'd gotten several different pieces of a full vision, but hadn't yet managed to decipher it.

She sometimes saw two hands, sometimes the Witchblade in bracelet form. It was strange, though—she could swear that the bracelet she saw was somehow different from the one she wore now.

"Sara?"

Sara jerked out of her daze. "Nothing…nothing. I'm fine."

Kathryn looked at her strangely for a moment, but then started to chuckle softly as she watched another crewman, who looked both tickled and terrified, walk by very quickly on his way from sickbay.

Sara began to laugh silently, her shoulders shaking.

"Are you sure we should be terrorizing them like this?" she managed to get out.

Kathryn shrugged, grinning. "Oh, they need to be shook up a bit every now and then."

They looked at each other, and both burst out laughing.

********

Beloved: Ow.

Sunrise: Serves you right. I proved my point, didn't I?

Beloved: Did not.

Sunrise: *pours water over picture Beloved is still clutching and Beloved shrieks, wailing in pain*

Beloved: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?!?!?!?!?! *wipes furiously at picture, mopping up the water*

Sunrise: Quit while you're ahead. You can't save it. Besides, there're more copies around here somewhere. I'm not telling you where, though.

Beloved: WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Sunrise: Oh, boy. I shouldn't have said that.

Beloved: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE???????????????????????????????????


	11. The Paddle Incident

**Author's Note:** We mean you no harm. Really. We apologize ahead of time for any negative psychological effects caused by reading our own brand of humor. 

**Author's Note 2:** Hi everybody. Sooooo sorry it took so long for us to update this story. I, Beloved, managed to lose a very large chunk of the papers that we had many of our future chapters written down on. I finally found it just a few days ago, and was delighted to see that all of our planned-out stuff was perfectly intact. Then, Sunrise and I realized, much to our chagrin, that we actually had had at least three chapters all typed up – complete with our crazy little conversation thingies – and ready to post. Aren't we bright? Of course, the fault lies with me, Beloved, because the files were on my computer. I am surprised that Sunrise has allowed me to continue holding our original copies hostage here at my house. Don't tell her I said that. SUNRISE: I'm right here, you idiot. I know what you said. (evil grin & maniacal laugh) BELOVED: (shudders) Oookay, folks, well I gotta run now – there's the little detail of me needing to escape Sunrise's wrath. SUNRISE: I'd advise you to run. Fast. BELOVED: All righty then – GOTTA GO! BYE! (shoots off at top speed)  
(Sunrise watches her go, sits down, and relaxes, knowing that Beloved will return once she realizes that she's not _actually_ being chased. another evil grin. There is the sound of Beloved squealing fearfully in the distance, then blissful silence. For now.)

Beloved: Allllllllll right…_I_ think we should do the next chapter on butts.  
Sunrise: What _is_ it with you and that particular part of the male anatomy?  
Beloved: (assumes purely innocent look) What're you talking about?  
Sunrise: WHAT AM I— (calms herself, rolls her eyes) You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about.  
Beloved: Umm, no I don't.  
Sunrise: I'M TALKING ABOUT YOUR OBSESSION WITH BUTTS!  
Beloved: Ooooohhhhh. So _that's_ what you mean. Hmm. I guess you're right.  
Sunrise: I always am.  
Beloved: Wanna bet!  
Sunrise: Sure. (grins evilly)  
Beloved: (in small voice) Never mind. (grins) How 'bout those Backstreet Boys?  
Sunrise: They are _so_ adorable! And cute—have you _seen_ that picture where they're soaking wet and you can see through their T-shirts—never mind. Point taken.  
Beloved: You know, I have to agree…  
Sunrise: Now _don't_ you start up on me again!  
Beloved: (raises hands in defeat) Fine, fine, let's talk about—Sunrise? ...Sunrise? SUNRISE! (waves hand in front of an oblivious Sunrise, who is murmuring something about a certain Backstreet Boys picture as her voice gets more and more faint and her expression becomes more and more distant…)  
_An hour later…_  
Beloved: Suuuuuuunriiiiiise. (sighs) Oh, well. I guess I'll write this chap—  
Sunrise: (coming out of trance and tackling Beloved before she can reach the paper and pencils beside her) Ooooohhh, no you don't! Last time I let you do that, we had to revise the chapter _five_ times!  
Beloved: (crossing arms stubbornly) That's only because you didn't like the repetitive use of the words "nice ass," "cute ass," and "bad-ass".  
Sunrise: Well, can you _blame_ me?  
Beloved: (glaring daggers) Yes. I can.  
Sunrise: If you're gonna have that obsession, please entertain it elsewhere, at least until we're finished with this story and/or chapter.  
Beloved: (in delight) Hey! Look at this picture I found on the Internet!  
Sunrise: What? What is it?  
Beloved: Men's jeans advertisement. Butts. Need I say more?  
Sunrise: (sighs and grabs pillow, whomping Beloved on head. Hard.) No. You needn't. I've heard enough of that, thank you very much.  
Beloved: Well, exc_uuuuu_se me.  
Sunrise: Now, back to where we were before you decided to wander off somewhere else in search of food for your fantasies. Ah, that's right—our story.  
Beloved: And the butts! Don't forget the butts!  
Sunrise:muttering: How could I forget? Now, we were saying…

**THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE _--_ PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE**

**Chapter 11 - The Paddle Incident**

One of them—none could remember who—had suggested a _ping-pong_ tournament on the holodeck. So, here they were, Sara, Kathryn, and B'Elanna on one side, and Ian, Chakotay, and Tom on the other. They were launching the plastic balls at one another with a vengeance, and there were no signs that it would stop any time soon. _Thwap!_ The ball came off of Ian's paddle and Sara had to duck to avoid being hit squarely between the eyes with the small white projectile. She stalked around the table to Ian's position, and he unconsciously backed up a step.

"You did that on _purpose_!" she cried.

Ian swallowed nervously. "N-no I didn't!"

In the next moment, he found himself pressed to the wall, Sara's knee wedged between his legs and her hand…

"Oh!"

Sara just grinned.

"Now, did you do it on purpose?"

He nodded, his eyes bulging.

She backed away slowly. "Good boy. I always knew you were a smart one!"

"Yes, Mother," Ian muttered under his breath, hiding a smile.

"Oh, _you_!" **_THWACK_**! Sara's paddle met with Ian's ass, and the resulting look on both their faces was enough to set the other two couples to laughing. Ian had a pinched, pained look on his face. Sara was staring down at her paddle—both pieces. A sly grin came over her face as she looked from paddle to tight ass to paddle again. The men exchanged worried glances as all three women now looked from the paddles they held to their husbands and back.

Slowly, three evil grins spread over three mischievous faces.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

The sickbay doors slid open to admit three males who were walking with distinct limps. The Doctor came up beside them.

"What in the world happened to you?" he asked.

Chakotay, Ian, and Tom all looked at each other, embarrassed, then spoke one at a time.

"Holodeck."

"Ping-pong paddles."

"Our wives."

Turning to Tom, the Doctor said, "I would expect this with _you,_ Lieutenant, but you two…never mind."

Dirty looks were sent his way as he turned away for a moment.

"I will have to note this in your medical records, as well as my daily log."

The three men nodded and remained silent as the Doctor healed their "injuries," carefully keeping his expression neutral.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

That night, they slept in Chakotay's office, Chakotay in his desk chair, and Tom and Ian crammed onto the small couch.

All the next day, three women went around the ship with wicked grins on their faces.

Everyone below the rank of Captain did their best to stay away from them.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

**AN3:** We will attempt to update soon, but Sunrise is now working full-time, and her internet is down, so it's left up to me, Beloved, to take care of things. Not very reassuring, right? Yeah, that's what I thought, too. So, yeah, we'll try. Hope you all enjoy reading this chapter as much as we enjoyed writing it! Please review to let us know how we're doing, or just to let us know that you're still actually reading this crazy fanfic. ;) Thanks!


	12. Armed and Dangerous

**Disclaimer:** Not ours. Never have been. Never will be. The insane story is _totally_ ours, though!

**AN:** Ah, hell. Here goes…

Sunrise: Is this the chapter where the guys make the mistake of turning the girls' coffee into decaf?  
Beloved: (whomping Sunrise over head) SHHH! We weren't supposed to tell! This is the one where Chakotay accidentally scares his obsessive wife and friend.  
Sunrise: (whomping Beloved back) I can think of someone else who can be described as 'obsessive'.  
Beloved: SHUT UP!  
Sunrise: I'm not sorry.  
Beloved: Apology accepted—WAIT! What! Hey that's not—  
Sunrise: (stuffs pillow over Beloved's face) Ah, the peace and quiet.  
Beloved: (screeching) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
Sunrise: Or relative quiet, at least.  
Beloved: OILUG KJlb ljrfj dsfo lLgh bdfl LISh jsdhf iSLS (Sunrise lifts pillow momentarily) P'TAQ!  
Sunrise: (replaces pillow over Beloved's head) Where _did_ she learn how to speak Klingon, anyway? (lifts pillow again)  
Beloved: GO TO GRE'THOR YOU GODDAMNED P'TAQ!  
Sunrise: (quickly puts pillow back over Beloved's face) Geez. What got into her _gagh_ and blood pie? (much louder) SHUT UP or I will sit on your face!  
Beloved: (as Sunrise briefly lifts the pillow again) No you won't!  
Sunrise: (in deadly tone) _Don't_ try me.

**THINGS GONE AWRY IN THE UNIVERSE**—**PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE  
Chapter 12 – Armed and Dangerous**

Kathryn and Sara sat on either side of the dining table in the Janeways' quarters, their elbows propped up on the flat surface and their chins resting on their fists. Both were staring dreamily at the steaming mug of coffee that sat in the center of the table. Together, they inhaled the wonderful aroma of the forbidden liquid, their eyes drifting closed. It had been so long since they'd been able to taste the delightful elixir -- four months, three weeks, and six days, to be precise. And, yes, they were most _definitely_ deeply on the small bliss of smelling their favorite drink, they did not notice the man coming out of the bedroom, his uniform jacket draped over his arm.

"I hope you're not planning on drinking that," he said, raising an eyebrow at the peculiar expressions on their faces. Caught off guard, both women's eyes popped open as they let out simultaneous little screams. Despite their advanced pregnancies, they leapt from their seats with a speed and grace that he had to admire. Before he could blink, he had two weapons of equal deadliness—a handheld phaser and the sword portion of the Witchblade—aimed directly at his chest. Both were quickly lowered as the very dangerous—er, very _pregnant_—women behind them recognized him.

Kathryn spoke first. "Chakotay!"

"You scared us half to death!" Sara added, the sword instantly disappearing from sight as her alarm faded.

"Like I said, I hope you're not planning on drinking that," he repeated, nodding towards the still-steaming cup of coffee.

"No," they said together, a bit of sadness tingeing their voices.

"We replicated it for you, and we just couldn't resist smelling it, and then…" she trailed off, looking wistfully at the mug of dark liquid. Chakotay looked at the expression on her face, and just chuckled.

Kathryn crossed her arms over her chest, resting them on her round belly, and stared at him hard. Sara's stance and expression matched hers. Chakotay, seeing that he was outnumbered, backed away, pulling his jacket on and grabbing the coffee from the table before leaving as quickly as he could.

The two women looked at each other and shrugged.


End file.
